I'M SUPER EXCITED FOR MEXICO!
I CAN'T WAIT! IT'S GOING TO BE FREAKING AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

;D

Wed oct 1: off
thur: off
fri: off
sat: 1-close
sun: 2-close
mon: 4-close
tues: 4-close
wed/thurs/: off
EDIT: Fri 11-8
sat: 12-close
sun: off

Mon 1130-1230 (War, Revolution and Society in the 20th Century)
Mon 230-430 (Rome and Empire: War to Pax Romana)

Tue 1130-230 (Post Colonial Writing in Canada)

Wed 1030-1130 (Rome and Empire Tutorial)
Wed 1130-1230 (War, Revolution and Society)

Thur 1030-1230 (War, Revolution and Society Tutorial)
Thur 230-530 (Canada Before 1900)

Friday (FREEEEEEDOM)

So my land lord apparently cares a lot more about 60 days notice than I thought... since she talked to Bryan and told him how could I be moving without my sixty days notice? I thought it didn't matter one bit because I am 
-leaving whether I give my notice or not
and
-paying the $450 fee for leaving early.

I guess I will write up a notice that I am leaving today, and slip it under her door...

(sorry this is so scattered but I'm just thinking about a lot of things right now)
Fuck I really need tomorrow off... I want to just call in sick but I plan on doing that next saturday if they schedule me... :/ even if I request the time off, I'm not gaurenteed to get it because its the Toronto Film Festival weekend and that means we're super busy. So the only other option is to call in sick.

But I don't know how it will work to get the elevator on service if my landlord hasn't confirmed with me yet, and I can't talk to her because its a saturaday and even when I do manage to get a hold of her it will be out of the 9-5 buisness day, and I dont know what to dooooooooo about it other than make the trips super annoyingly long and hold the elevator doors as long as you can to get the stuff in until it shuts on you and you can't do anything about it and it just goes.

I don't know how I can get from work to the apartment in time. I can ask to leave early...but I just don't know. I have to pack all my clothes tonight, which isn't hard but I feel like I have so much shit... and I feel like I dont know how we can move all of it in such a short time.

And to add all that bryan is being a COMPLETE DICK to me. i came home and he is like... what is this? and brings me over to the kitchen where I broke a lightbulb this morning. I was like.. i broke a light bulb. we dont have a broom and i didnt have time to try and pick it up. he's like.. yeah well what if people step on it? ... uh. dont be an idiot and dont step on it then. its in the 'dining room' over by the door to the porch so i have no idea why he would even walk over there.. then he's like yeah and there's nails all over the floor. and i ask where and he points to one nail on the floor that has obviously rolled off from the counter... and i just look at him and say... thats not hard to pick up.

theres more shit but i dont feel like talking about it its just all anooying and he's picking fights with me. im worried that i will get fucked by moving too but its too late to worry about that.. its done and done and as soon as I pay the 450$ fee i dont believe i will be responsible for the lease as long as bryans name is still on it. if i fuck him over then i fuck him over. i cant live here anymore and i have to leave and thats that.

:/

i wanted moving to be happy!

I hate packing. I don't even know when I am moving yet XD So random! But I am getting it all done, one more box down, a few more to go. I have all my clothes but about 4 outfits packed. So I hope that I don't have to go too much longer with working and not moving. But I suppose I could in all technicality, move my clothes to Kathy's and put them away.. but that would be super weird to have clothes in a place and no bed.

OW OW OW CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMPS

:(

I think I packed my advil away.. so no relief. But yes yes moving on. Bryan sends me a text to the extent of: "you owe me $20 for internet I'll be back wednesday, kthanksbai."  what a total dick lately. Not MY fault that he doesn't have a job and has to have $995 in a week. I told him I was getting the fuck out by september.

But i really dont have a lot to update about lol. Just the regular shit that most of you know about but I was just bored and into saying hi. :P

I am so stressed right now! :[

I hate that H&M is dicking me around with my hours.. they keep saying "Oh well the schedule is posted 2 weeks in advance so we had to fit you in" for giving me hours. But I am not worried about this week, I am worried about living and paying rent off of this job. I can't get any less than 30 hours a week or I will start to stress and have to cut corners with things like food and etc... So I guess I should start to look for another job as well... but working two jobs is twice as stressful as working one job for the time that I need.

But so far this week, I will be lucky if I make $100. And I have already paid $11 in transit, so its almost not even worth it to go in to work.

I am looking forward to the interview on Friday that I have at The Phone Booth.  But I have no idea what they are looking for in reference to Sept hours and school. :/ See? I worry about everything!

And then I get an email from York saying: We need your $450 enrollment deposit by the 25th at midnight.

Lovely. So I just called the bank of Montreal, and increased my credit limit to $1500 so that I can pay it since I still have a huge balance on there from buying books last year...but hopefully when I get my student loan in Sept I can just pay it all off to myself. Even though I worry about being more in debt. But there really isn't anything that I can do, so... no point in whining about it.

I just need a hug. And I need to stop thinking about it for a few moments. I swear my hair is all going to go gray. :[

 Wed 7am-2pm (truck) --7hr--
 Thur 730am-3pm --8hr--
 Sat 1-closing --8hr--
 Sun 10-12 (meeting), possible midshift to 5pm --4/8hr--

Meh. At least I'm working XDD

I have basically done nothing all day. @_____@ I feel so lazy and weird when I don't have a job. I reallllllllllly hope that H&M tomorrow doesn't dick me around and says that I can start right away. If I have to pull the "I have to pay rent and live" card on them, I totally will. I have also applied to a lot of other places, but I am worried that none of them have called me either >___> I hate worrying!

I need to do laundry but this stupid place has no change machine and only takes loonies and quarters. I think I need to somehow get about $100 in quarters. I wonder if the bank will let me do that? Hrm. It is doubly annoying because there isn't really anyway to get change around where i live unless I take the TTC to somewhere.

On that random note, I totally want to go to Pizza Hut XDD I love greasy pizza from there :P and its within walking distance.

Bryan starts his job tomorrow. Hopefully he likes it so that he can pay rent but with me not having a job and all I guess I should talk ~____~ I would talk more about how I am worried about bills but then this would be the most annoying entry in the world. :P already its chock full of nothing ness, like I have done all day. I should have gone outside today while it was nice, and sat in the park or something but doing that alone is kinda weird when i dont know the area. . . i dont think that i would get killed around here in broad daylight but then again, who thinks they ARE going to get killed in broad daylight? No one, until it happens. Sketch park is out for the moment, even though those swings look pretty inviting from here, although I would have to kick some kids off. lol.

I am debating switching my phone back to my razor now that it tends to work... but it costs money! PHLAIL to telus. But I suppose that is how they fuck you, they tell you your phone is dead, you buy a new one and then they tell you it cost money to put your phone back on the plan it was already on. GHEY. But I called them and got rid of THAT particular phone charge. :P I want to look into unlimited text messaging though, that is where the next highest amount of money on my bill comes from . i think you can put unlimited or something for $5 month.. that would be sweet. I will call them tomorrow and ask, or while im downtown anyways i can accost someone in real life XD i like that the eaton centre is within walking distance to H&M so no double fare there... i think i will run some other errands while i am out and about and maybe there can be some hanging out later?? who knows!

(random fact!! I wrote this entry like.... six hours ago, and it saved it for me. awwwww thanks live journal. XDDD)

 

I know some people's parents fight and freak and scream at each other and I know that lots of kids way younger than me have had to deal with it before, but I have never had to deal with it. I have never had to hear my mom scream "Don't put your hands on my children and don't put your hands on me" to my dad. I have never had that. Until now, and I don't really know what to do other than turn the music up real loud and blast it all away. I don't have the coping skills for it because as far as I have seen, I have never even heard my mom and dad have a fight. Not a yelling fight, ever. Ever. In 25 years they've been married.

I was downtown with Alison and I felt really dizzy from walking along the fence (I will explain that later) and called my mom to see if I could get a ride from her, and she says "I can't I still have madison (my niece for those who don't know) and if you are downtown can you see if Christine (my sister) is home so she can come pick up her daughter?" and i was like.. oh ok sure. So i went to my sister's place and knocked on the window (she lives on a bottom floor appt) and I said "hey go get madison mom and dad are wondering why you didnt come to pick her up" and then christine checks the phone, the ringer is off and my mom and dad have called like.. 14 times, and she is like., why didnt they just come and drop her off? --side note, my parents took madison to the circus and were back at 8, and my sister knew that, she was basically just trying to get more time away from the kid--and so she drove up to our house and went to get madison and my dad storms out side and they start screaming and my sister is like DONT YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME DONT YOU TOUCH ME DONT EVER TOUCH ME and my dad is like I DIDNT DO ANYTHING and my sister screams for my mom and I go inside and get madison and talk to her loud enough that she can't hear, asking her about the circus and getting her shoes on and she just says "granny mommy? mommy?" and i'm like, yep you can go home in a minute, did you see clowns? and it just SUCKS that she had to be around that when its her grandfather and her mother together freaking out... sick. then my sister drives away and my mom screams at my dad for about 15 mins when i went into my room and turned the music up to drown it out, then my mom leaves to go somewhere and my dad pounds on my door and says he needs to talk to someone...

then we have a talk about how my dad doesnt like how christine raises madison and that she is irresponsible and how he's trying to get her to do the right thing, and i explained that christine is an adult. she can do what she wants and blaming mom for "coddling" my sister is stupid. christine does her own shit her own way and she thinks she is always right. the time to use parenting techniques is long past on my sister. she can live on welfare and scream at her kid and smoke pot everyday all she wants because it's her life. even if it's wrong. telling her is like talking to a brick wall. you cant change that if you have already tried and failed before. so once my dad's talks have failed, trying again and again only adds to it. only makes it worse.

now apparently madison and christine both can't come to the house any more, and that is only going to hurt madison in the long run. its not fair to her. i wish... i know i can't ever have kids but i always wish that i could just take her all away from it and fix it all for her. and i can't. i know i said i dont love kids and that is a lie.. i do love madison and seeing her life like that is so hard. and seeing my mom and dad mad at each other is hard. i dont like being in the middle....

anyways they've stopped. yelling, that is. so i guess... i will try and sleep soon. i also dont like the aftermath... i'm almost glad that i work tomorrow.

So here is all the shit about my life I worry about

-Bank account #1 = $0.64
-credit card = $752 (negative durr)
-Student line of credit = $9,974 (negative again)
-bank account #2 = $405
-I have to have $995 by July 1st
-I will be getting $339  this friday and slightly less than that next friday. That puts me to about $1000 by the time I leave
-I want to go to Alberta, that is a $100 bus ticket plus money for activities etc. so $200 altogether
-When i get back to ontario, I have to have money for food and curtains and furniture sometime... sleeping on a foamie (is that really a weird word? XD) bus pass money, and next month's rent is going to be right on my heels
-i won't know if i get a student loan until after I enroll, and even then, after all the paperwork is finalized.
-I am considering not going to alberta.. and making another $339 or even double that by staying.. and wondering if it's worth it or not. the latest I can be is the 28th of June because that is the date that bryan and i are moving in...
- i am considering what the hell i can sell to make money but i really have nothing that is worth anything other than CD's or my new camera.. or my new stereo..
-i was thinking if i could get another job just for the two weeks that i could just quit when i have to leave... i just need some way to try and make more and more money before i leave.
-now i feel like time is slipping away.
-I hate the idea of not going to alberta. when i promised i would, and really all that would be stopping me would be a hundred dollars. how lame.

BUT I HAVE TO TRY AND SLEEP. doubts though. I love you. 52

I mean I hate working and all XD but then again I still need $995 for July 1st. :-|

Sun 12-9 (June 1st)
Mon 12-9
Tue off
Wed off
Thur 12-9
Fri 10-7
Sat off
Sun 10-7 (9th of June)
Mon10-7
Tue off
Wed off
Thur 12-9
Fri off
Sat off (14th of June)

OFFENSIVE. :/

sun 12-9
mon 10-7
tues off
wed 12-9
thurs 12-9
fri 8-5

SUCKSSSS I hate closing! :P but here. stalk away <3

Sat 10 May, 5-9pm
Sun 11 May, off
Mon 12 May 10-7pm
Tue 13 May, off
Wed 14 May, 12-9pm
Thur 15 May, 10-7pm
Fri 16 May, 10-7pm
Sat 17 May, 10-7pm

Sun 18 May, 12-9pm
Mon 19 May, 10-7pm *stat*
Tues 20 May off
Wed 21 May off
Thur 22 May 10-7pm
Fri 23 May 10-7pm
Sat 24 May 12-9pm

u____________________________u

Well the only really big news on my end is the fact that I now have a job... ish XD I don't really WANT it, that is for sure. Working makes me feel like I am going to be staying here for a while and I don't want to stay here for a while and therefore I don't want to work. (sounds logical to me lol) I got a job at the local supermarket called SuperValu.. hhaah snazzy name, eh?

Its kinda a rinky dink place, if you know what I mean. They didn't interview me and its locally owned.. so I am worried that there are going to be like, no rules. No set breaks or whatever. I am used to working for a standardized company. That and standing at a cash register memorizing the code for carrots doesn't really sound like my cup of tea. But apparently I am getting $10/hr so who the hell am I to complain XD All I have to do is make it one more month, one more month.. I keep telling myself that. (Have I mentioned I REALLY want to come home? >____> )

Other than that, this town sucks, I am sick, which sucks. My sister is annoying which sucks. (She is always trying to get me to watch my niece, which I don't mind when it isn't ALL THE DAMN TIME. I'm not a baby sitter.) My parents are weird and keep asking me if I am dating Bryan, if I want to date Bryan if I am going to date Bryan... its like what the hell?! Did I NOT go over this already? I already told them I was gay ... >___> bah.

Overall I just want to come home. I miss everyone. (You know who you are :P) and I want to spend summer fun time in Ontario. I never get to do that!! Love to all. Miss you tons. xoxox

Well, I am here.

I wanted to start posting because being far away sucks and updating on life gets instantly harder. Here's hoping everyone else will start picking up the update habit too *glares* I want to know about your lives too! Even if nothing happens XD So far all that I have done here is hang out with my friends Mike, Jon, Sean and Kylie at Jon's house, and decided that the fact that everyone there smokes is really sick. I mean when people are drinking they freaking chain smoke, and it's so gross.

P.S I decided to swear off alcohol while I am here or else 1) I am going to get really poor really fast, and 2) I will come back with liver disease. Everyone was like.. what the hell you pussy. XD it's like when I was in ontario I never drank and now that I am here I never drink either! I am just scared of the consumption level in Lumby, no kidding. People here are intense.

But back to what I was saying, yes, so I visited with them, but its really kinda annoying at times because being gay is like a novelty here so everyone mentions it. I don't think they mean to per se, but its like, ok do we really have to mention it in every damn conversation? :-/

This leads into my point about how I don't feel like this place is "home" anymore. :-| it was really weird.. I kept dissing ontario, and saying how better Lumby was in the beginning, and then slowly over time, ontario seems more suited to me. I don't know.. I like the small town that Lumby is but there are so many little pricks here that think they are all that and a sack of potatoes, and all they do is live in a village and drink a case of beer. People here have no life experience, their goals are to get a shitty apartment with their girlfriends-at-the-time and work at some shit ass minimum wage job and have parties. And I just can't deal with that, how no one really has a life.

Not to say that I don't love my friends but Alison and Vickie aren't here (they are my two best friends) so the rest of the people here are just good friends that I have to catch up with. And I am avoiding Tim but aparently he is like trolling the streets trying to find me 0___0 creeeeeepy. I do have to say hi I suppose, but hanging out with him is so weird. He always grills me about my life.

I guess what I am trying to say is how I want to go home and it's totally not in Lumby anymore. And I was surprised that it happened, because I didn't even notice. I like ontario, I like being able to get on a bus and go anywhere and drive to a tim hortons and have coffee, and see all the people on the street. I was walking home from Jon's last night at 2am and even though I knew no one was going to rob me it was so QUIET it scared the shit out of me. Not a single noise except for my feet walking. No cars. No wind. Nothing but my own breathing in my ears... it was so freaky.

I do like being able to see the stars though. if I could add that to toronto that would be nice. I guess I could just live in a place with less light pollution XD

But I have a dentist appointment, so I had better get ready (aka floss my teeth like a million times so that they dont yell that I never floss >__>) and aparently my sister is going to straighten my hair XD XD XD that should be funny. I'll take pictures if it turns out I don't look like an emo boi. :P

Love to all. And miss you more than I know how to express. I can't wait to come back.

Examination Preparation! I think I've gone insane. XP

Labour Relations in an Hour.. feel like I don't know a damn thing, but heyyyy at least I have flashcards this time! Hope that when I get the essay back I don't do badly on it like I did on my history one.. :-/ that really bummed me out.

The people from University of Lethbridge called me in B.C and I am waiting for them to call me back here at the Dorm. I wonder what they want?....

Love. xox

Did my taxes and got a pretty awesome return :P just $300, but it really made my day. Especially since I get paid this Friday! So I randomly spent some money on myself. And it was awesome! I bought three CDs, all from the Used. Which is a band that I loved to death in high school and especially 2002. So I bought the rest of their albums that I kept telling myself that I would download and I never did. So far the best song that I have found was one that really surprised me at how it pertained to my life...

It's called "Buried Myself Alive"


you almost always pick the best times
to drop the worst lines
you almost made me cry again this time
another false alarm
red flashing lights
well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
and let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
so I could shut you out
and let you go away for a long time

I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
and if you want me back
you're gonna have to ask

I think the chain broke away
and I felt it the day that I had my own time
I took advantage of myself and felt fine
but it was worth the night
I caught an early flight and I made it home

I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
and if you want me back
you're gonna have to ask
nicer than that (x2)

with my foot on your neck
I finally have you
right where I want you (x3)

I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
and if you want me back
you're gonna have to ask
nicer than that
nicer than that
and if you want me back
you're gonna have to ask
nicer than that



Other than that, I have to study today for my exam, and I have tomorrow off. Love to all. xxoxo

All the Same--Sick Puppies (I bet I have posted this or these lyrics before but I just re-discovered it on my iPod)

"Go ahead tell me you'll leave again,
You'll just come back running, holding your scarred heart in hand.
It's all the same.
And I'll take you for who you are,
If you'll take me for everything.
...
Wrong or right, black or white, if I close my eyes its all the same."

I like the song. I wish there was some way to take the songs off my iPod and put them back on my computer. Damn. :P

Well my study group didn't meet this morning because apparently the Go bus doesn't run on weekends, so therefore no one can get to York. (Except me of course XD ) and so it is postponed. Our exam is this monday so I'm not exactly sure as to when we are going to study now that today was called off and tomorrow falls under the same weekend problem. Maybe the hours before the exam?? Hahah it is at 7pm on Monday, so knowing us, we most likely will meet at like 2pm before the exam. Its not like it is going to be hard, it constitutes 8 questions, 4 short answer and a mini essay, of which our lazy ass teacher said it shouldnt be longer than four paragraphs. Ha, he is so weird, he just.. doesn't care about teaching really as long as you get the basics down he is like, SURE YOU PASS. Not that I personally mind! It's history of Modern Science. I mean, who really cares :P

But anyways that means that I have a whole day off. To myself! I'm going to go get my taxes done.. which means I have to find all that shit that I have misplaced over this entire year XD and hope for a huge refund!! lol.. i could totally use the cash. But as for income, I only made $8000 this year and then I paid $12000 to tuition. There appears to be a little bit of the difference there :P I'm hoping I get back like.. $900 or so, just because I would love the money. At least when I pay H&R block to do it I get a free SPC card. Saved $8.00!

I think I am going to dick around on the internet for an hour, then round up my tax forms for an hour, then head downtown. Bubble tea tonight? :)